My Heart's Kaleidoscope

I just want to make love to what I know you could be, even if its all wrong for me, even if the imaginary will get way too deep, I just want that feeling of ecstasy.
But when you start to smother me, I promise I will run, and there won’t be a way to get back to me, because I’ll be searching for a different kind of fun.
So imaginary perfection I’ve created, don’t quickly disappear from here, but slowly become more faded, and make a real man whose love I will not fear

don’t be that girl…

that’s what you told me not to be

I’ve always been your daughter as far as I can see

so how can you expect any different in this world

you taught me always to be myself

but now I’m getting on your nerves

so you spew out harsh words

how can you expect anything different with no help

I walk away so i don’t cry

I don’t want to sit here and be your escape

I’m not the bag you can punch with such hate

If i tried to be different it’d be a lie

so now I’m left here battered

why can’t you be more careful

my mind can’t afford the bull

my emotions are all scattered

sky so bright, i love the burn

mmm that sweet sweet burn of the sun

making my back sweat

making my skin too hot to touch

i wish someone would touch

touch and not judge

feel and not run

take the moment to appreciate the burn

don’t fear the burn…don’t fear me

we’re all imperfect

thats the reality

why do you think I’m more imperfect than you

why do you look at me with such disgust, but then… with so much lust

hold my hand

not like a child… go away

hold my hand hard… interlock your fingers

interlock our arms

embrace me 

kiss me

no. don’t kiss me. don’t ruin it… I always ruin it

*sigh*

but to not ruin… just once… once… one

one wish… one wish upon a star

it’s too bright to see the stars

oh so bright, how good that sun feels

oh sun you always make me feel so good

you don’t judge me, you just burn me like everyone else

what a good burn…

This run around I hate

get me out of this figure eight

I don’t like this trap 

all your bogus crap

just leave me in my state

Your truthful words are lies

your disfunction reaches the skies

I’m fine when you’re gone

so far from your pawn

I just can’t stand to hear your cries

I was happy to see you leave

no more tricks snuck up your sleeve

now your back once more

knocking at my door

and i wish you’d let me be

Could have survived without all this

none of it will I miss

but never the less

from all of this mess

I’ve grown and created a bliss

I’m not the girl you want me to be

I’m who I am, I’m what you see

You won’t fight for me nail and tooth

You won’t line up at my kissing booth

You’ll never do a double take

You’ll never take defense for my sake

I’m just this girl you see right here

A little awkward, a little weird

I’m just a laugher, nothing more

I’m just a knocker at your door

I’m just this woman before your eyes

I’m standing open, I tell no lies

So see what I am, not what you want

See this girl and all I flaunt

Cuz it isn’t much but it is what I am

If you don’t like it, I don’t give a damn.

Kiss me hard,

please don’t hold back.

I’m so weak right now,

give me the energy I lack.

Pull my hair

until I gasp

but please don’t stop, 

I like it brash. 

I’m just so brittle,

you could break me to pieces.

If it wasn’t for you…

I wouldn’t feel needed.

Bite my neck,

don’t flinch when i squirm,

I need the constraints.

I want to feel the burn.

If you let me go 

I hope you know I’ll disappear

because as it stands right now

you’re the only thing keeping me here.

So kiss me hard

if you want me to stay

otherwise let me go

like every other day

Those lies that you say
have caught up to you this day
you’ve thrown this friendship away
is that the price you wished to pay?
When you’re down don’t ever come my way
Because I put my feelings for you at bay

Oh how foolish
Did you really think you’d escape unscathed?
Oh how foolish
How dirty you look lying there unbathed…
Oh how foolish
Haven’t you learned to guard your heart
Oh how foolish
To think that you could have a new start
Oh how foolish
You thought they truly cared
Oh how foolish
Your vision’s so impaired
Oh how foolish
Oh how foolish

You have this hold on me

though i know to you 

I’m nothing

Seeing you makes me weak

though i know I’m not who

you seek

But I’d rather be some girl

then to be locked out of

your world

It’s so hard to explain

when you’re making

me insane

If I could only say the words

that I wish you’d 

already heard

If my heart wasn’t so shy

then my emotions

could fly

but I’m left caught in your hold

wishing this hand I

could fold